My Blog

Bernie’s now in Washington DC, he’s gona go see the bloody  White House tomorrow and I’m jealous.

I’ve never stepped on  the US continents at all. NOPE! Not even when I was flying. I know being in an aircraft for 16 freaking hours and no fag would have killed me then. Doing a direct Perth flight from Dubai is hell enough for me, so I refuse to be trained for the US sector. Now thinking of it, I regretted it. I should have done the bloody flight and could have gone to NY, the place that I’ve always wanted to go to…well I always thought that hey even if I don’t do the bloody flight, I can still go there on my days off or something. But me being such a baby, I run back to home to Singapore every bloody chance I got simply cos I miss my mommy. So I never really fully utilise my cheap travel deals when I was flying…silly billy!!

But I always know, flying isn’t something I’d do for the rest of my life. Sure, the money’s great. Maybe if I’d gotten the job when I was much younger, I’d stay on the job for a little while more. But having gone through the office line fro many years, I still prefer to be in office where I know my nites and day and I have fixed days off. I hate it when I can’t really plan myself properly. So now that I’m grounded back to the normal life, I’m glad that I can plan ahead, I can go off as and when I like. I don’t need to make lame excuses to call sick. Though I must admit the money could be better…it sucks when you have  to get 50% pay cut…but Thank God for AWS & Bonuses…haha…but once you get the hang of it, you’ll survive….

But I hate it when I really have to watch waht I spend, be extra careful when I go on trips.

Talking bout trip, I haven’t really travelled far since I’ve been back. The furthest was probably Shanghai when I was 4-months pregnant. In between I’ve only been regionally and almost every year to visit family in the Philippines. I want to travel far but both husband & wife got our own commitment to houses and lands and bills and supporting people and all so we’ve been tight.

Even for a while I had my hand at studying again, then I decide that I am no good at handling and juggling work, family, kids and school pressure. I’m no longer the super capable can handle antyhing and everything all at one go girl…NO WAY JOSE. So I made the decision to cut my losses NOW before I wasted anymore money.

So at least now I’m glad, FINALLY FINALLY I can look forward to a long trip……I’ts been ages and I miss flying and packing. A week after teh Eid my son & I will fly off to Doha to meet up with hubby, then we’ll follow him to Geneva & hopefully New York….so the flight better be empty for me & my son. I’m really excited and the excitement just keeps building. I can’t wait I feel like a child again, like I was gonna go on my first ever trip…haha….I know I have to go Now and maybe after that a couple more years I’ll be grounded cos travelling with 1 child is still managable but when I delivered the 2nd one, hmmmmm I might have to wait a little while more before I fly again or even pop by to KL for a trip cso it’s tough having to watch 2 kids and still try to do some serious shopping.

SO this upcoming trip, I’m psyching myself to really burn some holes in my pockets…there goes my savings again…but it’s ok, it’ll be shopping for the next coupla years..fro the next few Hari Raya stuffs & Christmas stuffs for my kids, haha or so I say!!! I bet you’ll see me shopping again in the neighbourhood soon.

"Life is like a box of Chocolate, you never know what you gonna get".. well excuse me for not beinG original but I’ve always said that this is my favourite sentence of all time cos I love Forrest Gump , I love Tom Hanks for playing Forrest Gump so well that I cried my eyeballs out everytime I watch the film but also I think this sentence is applicable in every aspect of life. Be it a new job you’ve jsut accepted you wouldn’t what you’re getting urself into until you start working. When you meet a handsome gentlemen, you don’t how big his "ahem" is till you check out what’s inside his pants. And when you try your hand at baby-making, got pregnant, you wonder what the baby’s gender gonna be.

Well the latest chocolate I’ve picked out is yet another BOY….haha. Maybe it’s just me. My first chocolate was a yummy little boy but it’s a bit too sugary cos it’s hyper. If this time round, the baby’s gonna be hyper again, geez, I wouldn’t know what to do. I am elated though I was hoping more for a girl. I thought I’d have Boy-Girl-Boy(if I strike a million dollar lottery it’d be additional Girl & Boy..haha). For now Boy-Boy it shall be.

I think most parents would agree, the most important thing is the health of your child. As long as he’s healthy, has all the 5 senses, all 10 toes, all 10 fingers and it’s a bonus if he’s a cutie…….I PRAY GOD BLESS ME WITH  A HEALTHY BABY.

In any case if I ever find out that a baby is unhealthy, I wouldn’t want to carry the baby to full term. It’s not that I don’t want to be burden, it’s not about being cruel. It’s the pressure, the stress and though I may be able to cope with it, what will happen to the child when i pass on?? I don’t want to burden his siblings. Though the siblings may be willing to look after him what about their wives or husbands?? And they may never look after his welfare like I would. Then the child might suffer even more. So I’d rather if the kid is sick, I would pray for God to please take him away and bring him to that wonderful place where his all perfect and protected…….

Though I raise my hat to and I totally respect those mothers and fathers who toiled to look after their sick kids, their mentally challenged kids, I believe they all have big hearts totally magnanimous and are selfless. And I wish them all the best and I know God will watch over them as well and give them blessings. I can never be like them..it’s too much to handle.

Everyone who’ve seen me with my kids, know how fierce I am and how agressive I can be towards my kid, but only God knows how much I love my kids and I will not think twice to trade in my life for theirs anytime.Only God knows.

GOD, please make me a better person, please give me the patients I need to raise my kids well. I need patient. I need patient. And please make them good people in life. And please give all my children all the wonderful blessings in the world, insyallah. Keep them safe and sound, away from the cruelty and bad influences of the condemned world we live in. Amen.

That’s all I want to say to everyone today………actually everyday since I can remember….I hate people and I’m irritated by people especially my colelagues and yeah some idiotic friends too……..My hubby and mom and son irritates me too….so the conclusion is, probably majority of the peopel who irritates me are not that irritating it’s just ME, it’s always ME……and I really hate it when I’m bloody well stuck here and pregnant when I was plannign to leave right after my bonus…..I hate my job, they’re expanding like mad, they expand too fast…the harder they’ll fall……miserable pay and worst, miserable increment….the money’s enough to just wipe the backside with…FISH!!!!! Oh, and no upgrades….the bosses will determine who has worked hard….FISH……tell what in this entire organization that I do not do?? FISH FISH FISH…..anything and everything under the ASIA operations, I DO…adn a mighty job at it and far better efficient than any other department including the  whoel entire HR department combined….FISH…from 20 over buggers to 100 over and yet miserly increment…..bloody hell…..who the hell do you think coordinated S$3M worth of grants…not your super higly paid controllers…..it’s me..BUGGERS!!! So you think a "and EXCEPTIONAL job" quote can satisfy me?? it sure doesn’t put no freaking food on my table….

Everyone else can kiss my touche…I’m done working here…………. with heart and soul…..cos there ain’t nothing left……no soul, no passion……NOTHING, just work and getting paid end of the month……and not even smiles, cso I will have to charge extra for those!!! Wait….I’ve tested the market, I’m getting more than 30% offer….once the baby comes, we’ll see, we’ll see…………………

At this point, I’d rather be demoted and serve someone low cso I’ll be facing lesser buggers and still get paid the sameso wait, the next available one….I’m going for the next available internal transfer….GET ME OUT OF HERE…….I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!Ungrateful buggers………………..

My passion died and it’s affecting my whole life…freaking idiots…..KARMA will fall on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

This was a question posted by one of my long time close friends. For awhile I had to think, haha. and my answer was……YES,YEAH, I’D LIKE TO THINK SO, HAHA. I mean how do I answer immediately. So I had to explain how my life had turned around 365 degrees just by being married.

Just because my life’s been turned around, I didn’t say it was for the worse. Just like everyone would say, I love my husband. And honestly I FEEL GREAT to be married. But marriage itself brings a whole new set of pressure or worries or problems all together just like any other relationship, the only differences are you have a diamond ring on your finger(haha…that’s the best part),religiously legal to have sex(who can complain about that??) and it’s a lot more hassle for a break up(I don’t want to say the "D" word).

With everyone around even newly weds getting D, a few of my own friends have gotten them, my parents too. Amidst all the new fear, pressures and problems in this relatively newly-built institution of marriage, I’m still working on to get my double Master’s in Housewifehood and Motherhood….honestly, I LOVE BEING A MARRIED WOMAN. For me I find that it sorts of gives you a sense of confident level altogether. At least one thing I’m no longer left on the shelf(phew* cos I didn’t think anyone would want to marry me), the call of my deafening biological clock-ticking has been answered(my yearning for a child have started during my late teens in fact), I carry myself with more pride than ever and when I mean pride I don’t mean arrogance, just that I can hold my head up a little higher cos I’m so proud to have started my own family. I’ve gotten more men comnig up to me now asking for my numbers and complimenting me than I use to have as a single.

I guess the new found confidence have attributed to the new positive aura I’m signalling out to people. I’m contented with my life. I love my child! I love my husband! And I’m looking forward to more children in the future. All the new pressures and all, it’s worth it cos for someone who grew up with a major inferiority complex, I’m liknig this new found confidence, I finally feel I’m a person worth looking at and that though I may never be the most beautiful person in the world, I would actually believe it when someone tell me I look good and say Thank you.

Funny, a lot of people would argue that they’ll never believe I have any confident problem cos for as long as I can remember, I’ve always feisty, argumentative, super bu-yao lian(thickskinned), I would easily brushed off a comment if I don’t like what I’m hearing and I am super damn b*tchy(that’s my middle name anyway)..think it’s the only way I know how to project myself so people won’t need to know the real me, the ones with feelings cos I do have them…..but what people don’t see if how their words affect me so much sometimes, I can laughed about it, and their nasty words just haunts me and plenty of times I cried up at night in my room and blamed God for having created somebody as ugly or as unlikeable as I am. Words have haunted me, have hurt me, and I still remember them. Though I do blame God, I know he’s ever forgiving and he knows my heart, ever Almighty and what he’s taken away, he replaces them with something else…..I thank God for giving me what I have now….A wonderful family, a loving family………..

Btw, BERNARDO YNACIS….I love you and thanks for taking my hands in marriage, i know how you’ve sacrificed and I really appreciate it and I love you. When we took pledge of marriage, we’ve promised to be there in times of need and I know God will guide us and insyaallah we’ll do just fine, and I’m still trying to be a good wife and motehr to your children….and YES I’m Happy to be Married to you, no one else will do………

That’s my motto in life, and that’s what gotten me into trouble sometimes cos I will fight back and argue my lungs out cos of my beliefs.I mean why should I jsut stand back and watch while people point thier fingers at you or tryin to push the blame on you for something that you have not done wrong?? I hate people who do not have any sense of responsibility….I consider them "BALL"-less, haha.

PEOPLE, STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHT!! Sometimes it’s ok to take responsibility for your subordinates or so, but doesn’t mean you have to do it all the time. And worst if your Manager wants to shove the blame on you, ALL THE MORE you should retaliate and get him to take the full responsibilty cso he’s the one bieng paid more money than YOU!! So why slaved yourselves so that he can earn more than you…duhhhhhhhhhh then you guys are the absolute idiots.

I’m tired and cranky so all the more I speak of truth and I give a mroe sound advise when I’m like this…so people HEED MY ADVISE. A Malay proverb state BERANI KERANA BENAR….so find out yourselves what it means for those who do not understand….be resourceful…… buggers!!

I bet some or even most of you would agree. There are some friends who only appear when they want something or some help or what ever, like wedding or someone dying or they need money and at other times……….these people just lay low. I find that absolutely irritating and utterly frustrating.

Look everyone’s busy everyone’s got a life, I work, for awhile I was studying, I do salsa, I have a 2 year old who’s absolutely hyper and full of energy and since my hubby’s not around most of the time, I drag my son along almost everyhwere I go. That didn’t stop me from trying to meet up and catch up with friends. SO that makes me super-woman doesn’t it??!!

Some of them, yeah sure are married but CHILD-LESS, some are single and BOYFRIEND-LESS…and some if you ask one person they have to ask the entire colony before they can meet up with you…..

I’m sick and tired of running after people. I’ve got a life too and not that NOT having some of these people around will make me my life any better, no value-added at all…Some friend just come & go….and some friends are good weather friends, some friends are for life, some only look for you when they’re off with their boy-friend until they find replacement, some just brings you down with their endless problems, some friends are obsessive compulsive liars, some have endless men issues(and you’re the unofficial advisor STRICTLY)….well some NOT for long will they ever stay in my book!!!  So WHICH FRIEND ARE YOU?????

I believe friend screening is always good, earlier this year I took a friends off my friends list cso i feel all this while she hasn’t been worth my time…..

People I suggest if you do not know how to manage your time, don’t have friends!! live alone!! die alone!!..don’t come crawling to your friends only when you need them……they are willing to be with you in your time of need, but THINK, they’d also like to be with you when you’re in joy….but did you think of her/him/heshe?? 

You guys are just indispensable, we all are and remember KARMA what you do unto others, you’ll get double…SO treat your friends liek dirt, you’ll be treated like TURD!! Be nice to your friends, and everyone will be nice to you….

Here goes nothing!! Here-yee, here-yee…Hail the Queen of B…

Hey I’m a blog virgin..this is my 1st-EVER blog…hmmmmm a tingly sensation all over, it’s like a new-found lover, a new hobby or a new pair of shoes, haha…….I have to admit, kind of a strange feeling but somewhat all excited to be writing this….

Just had a chat with Mrs Laidlaw, she said I should write a blog…. so I thought, hell yeah why not?? Everyone’s doing it!! Some have become pros at it….. so I shall start today..TODAY it shall be… But I really don’t know what to write, there’s so much to talk or there isn’t, I can’t make up my mind and my thoughts are runnning a million miles/second I can’t catch up and figure out anything good to write for my first blog. I really think blogs should be about useful or enlightening encounters, haha but all I can think of are these silly things…1)McDonald’s advertisement the one where Ronald was flipping thru his wardrobe and figuring out WHAT to wear…and thus the title of my blog…..GOD HELP…I wanna sing 2)This is the song LA-LA-LA-LA Elmo Song just like I did in a video compiled as a wedding surprise for my buddy and 3)ELLA ELLA AY AY UNDER MY UMBRELLA ELLA ELLA AY AY and btw Elbern’s into this song as well.…….cheesy ay!!! STOP IT ELFA!! STOP IT ELFA!!!! I know I’m irritating, if I’m not I’m NOT Elfa…but you still love me right??? If you hate me…..well, WATEVAH…YOU CAN TALK TO THE HAND!!!

I did mention in MY SPACE profile that if I ever write a blog it’ll probably be about the joy of breastfeeding since I’ve become quite an expert at it cos I’m still nursing my son even though he’s well over the recommended age of 2 years(ok, ok….TOO MUCH INFORMATIONNNNNNNNNNN), haha.

One more note, for those who doesn’t know what the Queen of B is…just read some of the comments I’ve gotten from some of the people I call buddies, haha…but I think most of you would have guest it anyway….(the only reason I’m not using it on my blog is because my hubby-bubbly(hubbly-bubbly is another term for SHISHA…SHISHA is an arabic smoking pipe with flavoured tobacco thingy…oh go find out what shisha is yourself!!) will NOT approve of it…..).

Ok, as you guys can see, there’s absolutely no body of content whatsoever at all..I’m spewing rubbish…as always…promise you when I have time(and NOT AT WORK!!)…let me write something useful…..and MICHELLE LAIDLAW, I have to thank you again for feeding this silly idea of blogging….I just hope I won’t be an addict at it….if I do, I’m putting the blame on YOU, YES YOU MICHELLE!!!

Now I wonder….would anyone even read it?? MICHELLE YOU BETTER READ IT…THIS IS AN OFFICIAL WARNING, haha kidding…luv ya….

Oh well, if no one’s reading it….I’ll read it myself and keep it as a diary entry since I’ve totally stopped writing in a diary just before my 20th birthday….. yeah it’s been thatttttttttttttttt loooooooooooooong….

The QUEEN is OUT!!